Diabetes and Health(ier)....It's not just about the person with T1d

This is a tough one to write.  I have pondered if the words would appear.  If they would go anywhere.  If wrestling with your health is an issue...on top of the health of someone who love...settle in..let's talk.

In general,  I am a pretty private person.  No one likes to "air their dirty little secrets," so sharing this is a risk....maybe a huge leap of faith and a personal growth moment all rolled into one.

Probably from the outsider looking in -- one might question the following point -- over the years, I have struggled with my weight.  Sometimes it's harder than at other times.  Up and down.  Yo-Yo living is my specialty.

My first big swing was in 2002 after Katie was born.  Four kids in 5 years...yeah, that doesn't need any more explanation.  I met my goal weight that time and maintained where I wanted to be for about 6 years.

2008 until present gets a little fuzzy.  More ups and downs.  Life was busy...exercise was sporadic.  I looked for quick fixes, and they usually worked.  For awhile.

Skipping to now...2016...August, 2016 to be specific....Life had caught up with me.  J was closing in on 5 years post T1d diagnosis, we were sending our first born off to college, our second born (at 16) off to the east coast for the second year in a row to pursue his passion, and the two at home still keeping me incredibly busy.  I was tired (still am) but my body was not well. I am getting old(er).  There were plenty of signs and symptoms -- some I could ignore, and some I couldn't.  Doctor after doctor, test after test...looking for some explanation and diagnosis as to what was going on....kind of still am.

The one thing I knew I could change...was becoming more and more apparent to me. (I really always knew it....was just choosing to look the other way for awhile)...

I wasn't taking care of me.  Ouch.  I also knew, if I didn't take care of me -- I wouldn't be able to take care of J (and the rest of my family) to the best of my ability.

So....I stepped on the scale...a place I had avoided for awhile.  Double ouch.  Definitely an eye opener.  Definitely not where I wanted to be.  Or where I was willing to stay.  Life -- it's game on.

One of the biggest decisions on this short journey was that I was going to do it the right way.  The hard way.  The really, really hard way.  I wasn't going to look for a quick fix. No pills.  No packaged foods, and no liquid diets.

So on Sept 20....I decided I would work to get health(ier) for me.  Beyond that -- I don't really have a goal.  Goals are great -- they can also play mind games with you...at least they do for me.  So there aren't any numbers -- no goal weight, no I am going to exercise ___ number of times a week...no calorie counting and no not going to eat out statements.  I know all the things I am supposed to do to be well -- I just had taken a bit of a vacation from doing them.

There are some things kind of out of my control -- availability of free time -- ability to sleep -- etc.  I am working to be better at that.  Not great or perfect, just a little better.

I guess I am sharing today because I did have a landmark in my head.  20 pounds.  If I got to 20 pounds, I would share and maybe help someone else in the same boat as me.  Folks....today the scale said 21.6 pounds done and gone (hopefully forever).

I am not going to lie.  It's hard.  I sometimes would like a quick fix. (a lot of the time) As we tell our kids though....doing the right thing, is never the easy thing.

So....if you have made it reading this far...thanks.  Second...you are not alone.  If I can do it....believe me you can too.

Being health(ier) is a journey.....

Diabetes in Disguise

The days and months fly by...even the top of the blog page needs to be updated....I don't have a single kid that age anymore!

Diabetes in disguise..  It's the dance we have been doing for awhile..  You hear the music...You see the movement...Yet there is a desire for it to be silent...invisible.



Present - yet tucked away nicely, out of sight...

Raising kids in no picnic -- raising kids with diabetes --and we are in the season of the teenage years...almost like survival of the fittest.

It is balancing successes with mistakes.  Independence with accountability.  Helicoptering (is that really a word?) with responsibility.

It is allowing growth - yet maintaining safety.  The teenage years is about boundaries - testing them, but respecting them.  Diabetes adds an extra layer of challenge to the mix.

I wish I had more answers -- I don't.  Sometimes I feel like we are getting it done - and others I am thankful we both made it to the end of the day alive.

We have never "hid" diabetes -- now we are rising to the challenge of putting a disguise on it.

Normalcy is important -- and while we are not blind to our normal may not look like your normal...it is insanely important in the teenage years that there is a sense of belonging.  Looking and acting like everyone else (WHY?)  I don't have to agree with it fully -- we teach being your own person....while embracing this very important element to growing up. (And hopefully out of the need to "fit in")

Does your diabetes ever wear a disguise?

Every time I sit down and think about a blog post....I get distracted.  When I do sit down on this page, I think, WOW, it's been a long time since I have written anything.  Anyone who knows me...knows I talk about diabetes A LOT, so why doesn't it get put here??

I have a lot to do today too -- not very different than other days -- however today I feel a different pull.  I feel like the "to do" list can wait...It seems to be...that someone might benefit from reading the thoughts jumping around in my head....if it helps one just person...

J has been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes for a little more than 4 years.  4 years of constant. Constant thinking, counting, dosing, changing, a routine without a routine.  At 15 now, in the throes of puberty - insulin management is a whole new ballgame.  People warned me about "this."  I was "prepared." Or so I thought.

Overall, I think one just "muddles" through diabetes management once in awhile.  You almost have to, to survive some days.  You go along in your routine, this routine without any boundaries or rules -- and then out of the blue, diabetes decides to not play fair.  I mean, really not fair.

It's no secret if you are in our "diabetes bubble" that J (we) strive(s) for really tight control with his diabetes. This isn't a bad thing.  It means a lot of work, and a higher chance for a low blood sugar now and then.  That's where the unfair part comes into play.  We have been moving along "pretty smoothly" for a while.  Small changes here and there...nothing major...until last weekend.  Last weekend brought a whole new meaning to low blood sugars.  The kind that are scary.  The kind that don't seem to respond to about a billion carbs of straight sugar.  That kind that drop again in the middle of the night, even after the millionth  juice box.  Why?  Why? Why?  We have decreased insulin basal rates...by a lot.  We run temp basal (sometimes even shutting the pump off...shhh..don't tell his MD)  We have changed carb ratios....And he is still running low.  Really low.  The kind of low that you know there is a hedge of protection around him about ten feet high...that has to be the only reason he hasn't fallen out with a seizure.

The answer to the WHY is there isn't one.  It might be a change of temperature, weather, a full moon,
stress, too much, too little of something, food, sleep, exercise....but more than likely...the only answer that makes sense is.....it happens because he has type 1 diabetes.

So with that....I am looking, once again for my big girl panties.  I explain to him that I don't know why it's happening, but it is...and we will "fix" it.  We will continue to make adjustments until we find our "normal" place again.  Numbers are information.  High or low.  React to them, and move on. Most of the time (obviously) you can't control diabetes -- but you can corral it -- and that's what we intend to do.